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A
Brief Introduction To NLP
"You can't experience delicious food by just reading a menu
and you can't experience NLP by reading about, but having a
peak at the menu can still be fun."
Question
- how do you fit an elephant into a shoebox?
Answer - you can't, it's too big.
NLP is an elephant of a subject and this web-site only has a
shoebox amount of space, so all we can do is
(metaphorically) consider the elephants toenail.
If someone was good at skiing and you wanted to ski like
them, what would you do? You could find out what they did
that made them a good skier and then do the things they did.
If you could compare what they did with what a bad skier did
then you would know what to do and what not to do, you would
have a good model of skiing.
You could do the same for driving skills, selling skills, in
fact just about any skills. This process of finding out what
someone does, and then passing on those skills to someone
else, is called modelling, and NLP is a very accurate way of
modelling.
NLP stands for Neuro-Linguistic Programming - here's
what the name means:
Neuro Meaning nerves and the nervous system
Linguistics The use of language
Neuro-Linguistics
The branch of science and medicine concerned with how the
nervous system influences language and how language
influences the nervous system
Programming Carrying out a planned sequence of actions to
get a pre-planned result
Neuro-Linguistic Programming Using language in a
systematic and pre-determined fashion to achieved a planned
result or outcome.
My interest is in applying NLP, language techniques and
modelling to learning and memory skills.
In order to model someone's excellence in, say, mental
arithmetic, you would have to be able to question them about
how they do mental arithmetic. To avoid leading them you
would need very effective communication skills. NLP has at
its core a very effective model of communication skills.
The challenge in explaining what NLP is, is that it is a
whole field of study and not one single thing. NLP contains:
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a whole set of beliefs about how to
communicate with people |
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it uses a well defined model of questioning
and listening skills |
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it borrows heavily from the field of
clinical hypnosis in its approach to
influencing skills and using language and
metaphor |
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it incorporates a very effective set of
exercises to help people change their
behaviour (with applications as diverse as
helping someone rid themselves of a phobia
to acquiring skills in using computers) |
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NLP has specific and powerful techniques for
deliberately creating rapport with another
person |
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and it has a long and colourful history |
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Above all
NLP is concerned with how people do things, not why they do
them. If some is having difficulty learning a computer the
NLP approach is "what are they doing, specifically, to make
it difficult to learn?" rather than "why aren't they
learning?" The result of this is to define the structure of
their behaviour (perhaps they are becoming physically tense
whilst learning and thus reducing their ability to
concentrate) which allows them to change the structure and
get a better result (they could then deliberately relax and
concentrate better.)
The Beliefs Of NLP
NLP has at its core a set of beliefs about communicating
with other people. These beliefs were derived by modelling
some excellent communicators (see the History of NLP).
No-one is saying that these beliefs are true, but if you
pretend that they are true, if you act as though they are
true, then you are likely to communicate more effectively
with other people. Here are some of the beliefs:
The meaning of your communication or behaviour is the
response it gets Remember - this is isn't "true", but if you
"act as though it's true" you'll get different results. If I
explain a computer programme to someone and they get
confused then my communication was confusing (regardless of
how clear I thought I was being), I could then explain it
again in a different way. The point is that I take
responsibility for the effect of my communication.
If I took the opposite view (i.e. the meaning of my
communication is whatever I choose it to mean) then I would
be more likely to explain it once and if they get confused
just give up and say "well it's their fault if they don't
understand".
Every communication or behaviour has a positive intention
No-one's trying to claim, for example, that violent
behaviour is acceptable, but in terms of our communicating
with people it can be more effective to work on the
assumption that even people who are being difficult, awkward
or stupid are still motivated by some positive intention. We
can then work to find what their intention is and help them
find a more acceptable way of achieving it.
Everyone has their own unique map of the world As we go
through life we each accumulate our own unique set of
beliefs and memories and ideas and attitudes. It can be a
real challenge sometimes to believe that other people do not
share our beliefs and sometimes even have beliefs that are
radically different from our own. NLP works on the basis of
acting as though each individuals' beliefs are absolutely
real for that person, even if they don't seem real to us.
People make their decisions based on their map not on the
world itself NLP acts as if we cannot experience the world
directly but only through our senses and through our mental
"map" of the world. In this way we base our decisions and
actions on our own unique belief about the world and not on
the world itself.
The map is not the territory This map of the world on which
we base our decisions is not a wholly and completely
accurate map of the real world, it is only an approximation,
and is likely to be quite limited in some ways. This can
often mean that peoples' decisions and behaviours can be
quite limited.
Memory and imagination use the same neurological pathways
The brain only has one set of nerves for dealing with
information. If someone imagines what their favourite meal
will be like the brain can't tell the difference between the
imagination and the memory of a real meal - the two thoughts
will have the same effect, i.e. a watering mouth. In the
same way thinking upsetting but imaginary thoughts (such as
"what would happen if I lost my job") can be just as
distressing as experiencing the same event for real.
Similarly, thinking happy thoughts has as powerful effect as
actually experiencing a happy event. (Clinical
investigations show that "positive thinking" causes a
fundamental change in brain chemistry!)
The Model Of Questioning And Listening
The model is based on the idea that we think so much faster
than we can talk and we think many more thoughts than we can
ever speak. When trying to find out what someone is thinking
we cannot read their thoughts directly, we can only use
their language (both verbal and non-verbal).
But how much is lost in the transition from a myriad of
lightning fast thoughts and memories to a few mumbled words?
If we want to know what someone is thinking (let's call it
the 'deep structure') we have to start with the clues in the
language they give us (let's call that the 'surface
structure') and then ask questions to fill in the blanks.
When people construct a sentence they will often (as an
unconscious process) delete a lot of information. Instead of
referring to someone in detail they will use phrases such as
"he said" or "they did". We could then ask "who
specifically?" - thus filling in some of the missing
information.
People also tend to use generalisations - phrases like "I
can never remember 'phone numbers." The chances are that
they can remember their own number, so the sentence is not
literally true. What we could then do is find out which
examples are they missing out and which are they
concentrating on.
By using this model of questioning, called the Meta Model,
we can help people find out what assumptions they are
making, which examples of success they are overlooking,
which useful bits of information they have missed out;
rather than just assuming that what someone says is the
whole truth and nothing but the truth.
As with most things in NLP, the Meta Model loses something
in the translation, it's far more educational to hear it in
action!
Influencing Skills And The Artful Use Of Language
When you read the History of NLP page you'll recall how
the world famous hypnotherapist, Milton H Erickson MD, was
modelled extensively by Bandler and Grinder (the
co-developers of NLP) to find out how he so successfully
influenced people to help them give up addictions, repair
relationships and improve the quality of their lives.
Erickson used language in a particularly skilful way. He
used stories and metaphors to get his message over, he used
whatever style was appropriate to his client rather than
using just one preferred style (which is what many
therapists, counsellors and trainers tend to do).
Exactly how such language forms are used is beyond the scope
of this introduction.
Exercises To Change Behaviour
These exercises involve different visual and language
exercises to help an individual change the structure of
their experience.
People who are having problems speaking in public often go
through a sequence of mental actions (each individual may go
through a different sequence but each individual is
consistent):
1. see the audience
2. imagine them staring at me
3. hear them criticising me
4. feel tense and have butterflies in the stomach
5. call this sensation "fear"
NLP has many exercises to help the individual re-write
this little script, so that it might then go:
1. see the audience
2. imagine them smiling at me
3. hear them giving me words of encouragement
4. feel tense and have butterflies in the stomach
5. call this sensation "excitement"
Provided that this sequence is appropriate to the needs and
beliefs of the individual it is likely to have a much more
resourceful result than running the first script.
Other NLP exercises can help change limiting beliefs (from
"I can't" to "I can"), change the meaning of past events
(from "they ruined my life" to "they may have caused me pain
in the past but my future is beautiful"), change future
expectations (from "this interview is going to be horrible"
to "this interview might be challenging") and so on.
The key feature of many of the NLP techniques is that they
are powerful. If someone repeats to themselves "every day in
every way I am getting better and better", but uses a
whining tone of voice, sags their shoulders, looks down at
their shoes whilst thinking big pictures of failure then the
positive affirmation is not going to have much effect.
If instead they created powerful images of times when they
have been happy and have dealt successfully with problems
and really felt the happiness throughout their body and then
deliberately linked this with what they were planning to do
during the day, they are likely to have a better day and
actually get better and better.
Creating Rapport
Rapport is when two people are "in tune with each other", or
"on the same wavelength", or "seeing eye to eye".
It's difficult to describe, rapport has to be experienced.
When two people are in rapport then they are able to
communicate with maximum effectiveness and clarity. There is
also no such thing as "bad rapport".
NLP has a whole collection of methods for creating rapport,
but these have to be experienced, they cannot be described.
The History Of NLP
Here's my very brief and unofficial history as I have come
to understand it, of what is now called NLP:
In 1972 a young man named Richard Bandler enrolled at the
University of California at Santa Cruz. Richard majored in
mathematics and computer science but changed to study his
other interest - behavioural science.
Richard ran various workshops and study groups on Gestalt
Therapy and other forms of therapy. In his fourth year he
had the chance to present his own seminar as part of his
degree course and this was supervised by John Grinder
(pronounced 'Grinnder') who was working to become a
professor. Grinder was a linguist who had studied the work
of Noam Chomsky on the theory of linguistics.
Bandler and Grinder continued to work together on their
shared interest in Gestalt Therapy. What was to become NLP
grew out of the extrovert personalities of these two men.
Their aim was simply to find out what worked, what skills
and techniques would help someone overcome a problem. The
idea of the sympathetic therapist was dropped in favour of
the "if it works, use it - if it doesn't work, try something
else" approach.
Bandler continued to run his increasingly popular workshops
on therapies and then started working with Grinder to model
his (Bandlers') own skills. Their work on modelling (see
Modelling A Style in the NLP In Training section) covered
Fritz Perls, the originator of Gestalt Therapy and Vaginia
Satir the renowned family therapist.
The models they developed of Perls' and Satirs' work lead to
the idea of parts. Many people will use phrases such as
"part of me agrees with you and part of me disagrees", these
'parts' can be a useful phenomena and tool to work with in
therapy (and later in training, coaching and so on).
A group of people formed around Bandler and Grinder and
together they explored new techniques and new skills and
started to develop a collection of approaches and models, a
collection still without a name. This collection was drawn
from their playing with techniques from all sorts of
disciplines, finding what worked and what didn't work.
One of the models they developed was called the Meta Model.
They would role play having a problem and the person playing
the role of the therapist would practice specific question
forms to discover the structure of the persons 'problem'.
The Meta Model became such a powerful and useful tool for
helping people solve problems that it was written up and
published around the end of 1974 in the first "NLP" book The
Structure Of Magic. The idea behind the title was that
highly effective communicators seem to be able to almost
work magic, the book describes the specifics of what they
did to create that magic, it looked at the 'structure' of
the magic.
The group continued to work with other approaches, asking
interesting questions, such as "when someone says 'I see
what you mean' are the actually making pictures?" Thus a
structural correlation was uncovered between the language
someone used and what they were thinking.
It was around this time that the term Neuro-Linguistic
Programming was thought up. (I still haven't found a
definitive explanation as to who thought up the name and how
they thought of it - although there have been all sorts of
interesting stories!)
A neighbour of Bandler and Grinder was the English
philosopher Gregory Bateson. He suggested that they study
the world renowned hypnotherapist Milton H Erickson. So
Bandler and Grinder modelled Erickson, they thought about
how he used metaphors and stories to induce trance and to
help people remove life long phobias and overcome the
effects of trauma.
This lead to the development of the Milton Model, now a key
component of NLP, the method of using language to influence
people. By now NLP comprised the language patterns of the
Meta Model, therapeutic change techniques, modelling skills,
the trance methods of the Milton Model and others.
Bandler and Grinder continued to run NLP workshops and other
members of the group continued to apply NLP in new areas.
Robert Dilts applied NLP to the area of health, David Gordon
developed the use of metaphor as a specific and teachable
language skill, Tad James developed the use of the
TimeLine(tm).
From these workshops another book was written - Frogs Into
Princes was the first NLP book for the layman. It described
in non-technical language the skills and uses of NLP.
NLP has continued to evolve ever since and is now practiced
in nearly every country in the world. It is applied to
sales, training, coaching, therapy, management and virtually
every endeavor which requires effective communication (which
is to say virtually every human endeavor).
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